NADIA JAMIL Reflects on the mosaic that is her life with DURRAH AMAN
Q- Tell us about your childhood, how was it like?
My childhood was a mix of a lot of things, most of all it was full of love. We were around 13-14 cousins, and we were all equally mischievous. We used to climb trees, play ‘dark room’, hide from the Qari Sahab, it was just a lot of fun.
But because I’m a survivor of child sexual abuse, there’s an element of loneliness regardless of how amazing everything else is. Because I was unable to talk about it at that age and I was pretty confused and I didn’t enjoy school a lot, rebelled a lot against authority.
On the other hand, my childhood was also full of romance and poetry by Faiz Sahab, Habib jalib, Zehra Nigah Jee’s mushairas, bethaks of Abida Parveen, Iqbal Bano and Farida Khanum at home. Legends like Sabri Qawwals, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan Sahab, Pathanay Khan Sahab used to come by our house frequently. So there was a lot of Sufi kalam, music and poetry around me.
There was also a lot of politics as my mother was part of the Women’s Action Forum the ‘Movement to Restore Democracy’ during the Martial Law. I was present at a lot of protests, took part in many rallies. I was 9 years old when my mother put me on stage in front of a factory full of thousands of workers on May 1st and made me sing! I started acting with Ajoka Theatre when I was 13.
Some of my earliest mentors included Madeeha Gauhar, Shoaib Hashmi, Raza Kazim, Eqbal Ahmad, my father Jalil Jamil, my mother Nusrat Jamil, my nani and my daadi. All of them were very strong personalities and were socially very aware. It was an interesting childhood big family table full of khana, dadi keh hath ka pulao!It was a mixed bag.
Q- What about your education?
The earliest education I got was from Abbu. You know, at night when parents tell children bedtime stories Abbu would make us read Sufi kalaam. My earliest education was seeing his love for Ammi, his love for animals, his love for poetry, and I think for me that is the most powerful education not the one so much so that I learned academically but the one that I learned from my father of how to love and through my mother I learned how to serve society and how to act.
Then of course there was schooling. I went to the Convent of Jesus and Mary and I was very naughty. I drove the nuns mad! One thing I learnt from school was how to survive, especially how to survive the things you don’t like. Unfortunately the kind of schooling that’s offered at our schools breaks a child’s self-confidence and I suffered because of that.
From there, I went on to LACAS where I had a lot of fun and its where my love for literature and dramatics really took a flight. Then I went off and did my bachelor’s in drama and politics followed by an NLP and now I am applying for further education to become a positive psychologist.
But I truly believe that my biggest teachers in life have been the ones who taught me outside of school and they’re the children that I work with. Those children have suffered the worst kind of traumas, from sexual abuse to poverty and bomb blasts but they are still so positive, so full of life. They truly teach you how to live and how to heal.
Q- And then from there you went on to teach at some of the most prestigious institutes?
Yes. Teaching is actually amazing; it teaches you so much about yourself. I taught at Aitchison College for a while, it was an amazing experience. The boys were brilliant, I put together a few plays. In fact Ali Sethi was in one of them. Then Kinnaird College was also amazing.
I also ran my own center for children to learn and practice creative arts called ‘The Empty Space’. Children from different orphanages and regular students were learning music, martial arts, creative writing and so much more over there. That was also an amazing experience.
Q- What was that moment in which you know you knew that you wanted to become an actress?
I think it wasn’t a conscious choice; it was the only thing I was good. I participated in school plays throughout and it was at one of my performances in school that Madeeha Gauhar noticed me. I did my first professional performance at the age of thirteen; it was a Saraiki play at YMCA called ‘Lappad’. It just happened very organically. After some time, I was introduced to Mehreen Jabbar and I got into television.
Nadia Jamil was very insecure in being herself so acting served as a hiding place for me. When I was performing, I got to escape Nadia Jamil and be fearless on stage. Acting saved my life as it was my safe space for many years.
Q- Tell us about your work with children?
I started working with children when I was 17 at the Mother Teresa home and then SOS and now I’m working with child protection bureaus. My life has always been centered around children. It has a lot to do with the fact that I was sexually abused as a child and I wanted to be a source of comfort for those who suffered from the same thing. Being their mother figure gave me peace.
As a life coach I work with the children of Punjab at the bureaus, and one day I want to be an advocate for children’s rights and child protection system. As a nation, we are 76 years old and our child protection system is zero years old. Nobody has ever worked on it. Right now, we need to stop looking for heroes and start voting for systems. The only person who I’ve seen work in the government for children the way she does is Sarah Ahmed of the Child Protection & Welfare Bureau. She is amazing. It’s nice to see that things are taking a turn; unfortunately we had to see some really ugly things to realize the importance of child protection.
Q- So would you say in a way cancer healed you?
I got cancer in April 2020 it was the first lockdown for COVID and I was alone with my 13-year-old. My father, my brother, my husband, my older son, my mother, nobody could be with me. Ammi came after my second surgery and after my second chemo was over.
Cancer taught me that I don’t need anyone. Nobody is responsible for my happiness, my mental health or my well-being except for myself. Cancer also taught me that there’s an army inside me that wants to fight for me and save my life.
Q- And how did cancer impact you on a spiritual level?
Cancer brought me really, really close to Allah (SWT). When I was in extreme pain, after being in a coma for a week and then being on the ventilator, I couldn’t even swallow but I felt so loved by Allah. I used to recite Surah Alam Nashrah very frequently, and I used to think that I am in a difficulty but where’s the ease?
And suddenly I would want to post something on Instagram with my followers and I would get so much love from strangers whom I haven’t ever met in my life. I would just read their messages full of love and prayers and cry. It made me realize that this is the ease. All I needed through that time was Tawakkul, blind faith in His plan.
Tawakkul becamevery important for me. Whenever I felt any kind of unrest, I used to pray and leave everything on Allah. And I completely trusted that I was in His care. When Abbu passed away a few months ago, I felt like I would not be able to breathe because this world would become a very dark place without him. But I realized that it was Allah’s plan. He trusted me with my father for 50 years and then it was his time to go. So Tawakkulmeans having blind faith in His plan.
Q- So what would you say to anybody who is battling cancer or any other illness right now?
There’s a beautiful poem by Faiz Ahmad Faiz;
Gar mujhe is ka yaqin ho ki tire dil ki thakan
Tiri ankhon ki udasi tere siine ki jalan
Meri dil-jui mire pyaar se mit jaegi
Giit bunta rahun baitha rahun teri ḳhatir
Par mire giit tire dukh ka mudava hi nahin
It is exactly like that. Whatever I say, it can only be a balm, it cannot be the cure. It is only you who can heal yourself but you need to understand that cancer never wins. Even if it takes you, you take it down with you. Everybody who has survived cancer is a warrior; everybody who has died from cancer is a warrior.
When I was diagnosed my friend Asma Nabeel was diagnosed for the second time, we both went bald together and she didn’t make it and I did. It was His will. All I can say is that for every warrior out there who didn’t make it and every warrior out there who does make it has a responsibility to talk about cancer and spread awareness about cancer. We need to talk about how in Pakistan we need an ecosystem that helps cancer patients.
I was very lucky that I was in England, NHS took care of all of my needs and that too free of cost. Over here, cancer treatment is so expensive, we don’t have testing units and there’s absolutely no mental health support available. So it is imperative that we create an ecosystem in Pakistan that supports cancer survivors especially children.
Q- Nadia you are an undisputed queen of Twitter. Recently you shared your rukhsati story there?
Oh my God, yes! I was binge watching ‘Fairy Tale’ and I loved it. The characters in it and the story just brought back my own rukhsati story and I just had to share it with everyone. I had told Ali that if Abbu cries, I won’t be able to go through with the ceremony. It was Abbu’s birthday as well and Ali was so stressed throughout but bless my Abbu, he didn’t cry.
Somewhere in the middle of everything, I noticed that my father in law was getting tired and I said ‘Okay, it’s time to go.’ And I just got up and I start walking. I just got up and started walking with my khala running to get the Qur’an and I’m telling her I don’t need the ritual, I have the Qur’an in my heart. My nani was in the bathroom, she didn’t even know what was happening.
Meanwhile I just kept walking and the cameraman is running through bushes to capture the moment, it’s such a funny video where you see the bushes and my back and then again some bushes!
All the while I was saying my goodbyes with my sister-in-law’s one year old son in my arms. I get to the gate and there’s no car. Finally Ali brought the car around, I handed over the kid to someone and heard my Mamu say ‘throw your bag with all the salamis’, and like a robot, I just flung my bag towards everyone.
Suddenly my mother who was crying so much was only worried about my bag with all the money. Then again, my very naughty Mamusaid touch your mother in law’s feet! And mind you, she’s very religious. And I of course ran straight to her and she pulled back asking me not to do it but I only went for a hug, ufff it was so embarrassing!
Ali then said, ‘please, get in the car’, and I got in, hung half-way out of the window telling everyone goodbye, I shared that picture as well. And the minute that the car turned the corner, I was howling and crying. Ali then took me for dinner at the exact same place we went to for our first date. A lot happened at my Rukhsati, I forgot to bring back my suitcases, lost my jewelry in the car and whatnot. It’s a very funny story!
Q- What about your work-life balance?
You know, I always found it funny when people asked if my husband ‘allowed’ me to work. My father always told me that ‘I have always safeguarded your freedom, respect it’. So I think there just needs to be enough trust that your self-respect won’t be compromised.
There was a time in my career where I could have ventured into film and Bollywood. Yash Chopra was a very close friend and he told me you’re ruining your career but I was just so invested in my son, I wanted to by his side 24/7 and I would do it all over again if I have to. I just felt like I was complete when I became a mother.
Q- You’ve also been very selective about your projects, what’s the reason behind that?
One is privilege; I didn’t have to work for money. I think it is a place of privilege that I got to choose my own work. I wanted to identify with work that speaks to me and means something to me. I’ve always only wanted to only play roles that excite me and work with people who excite me.
Q- What’s the most favorite roll that you have done?
Oh my God there are too many! In TV I really love ‘Meray Pass Pass’, I loved ‘Behadd’, I loved ‘Kali Shalwar’. I loved working with Haissam on ‘Jo Bichar Gaye’ and I think my role as ‘Shabnam’ in it is my favorite. But my most favorite performance would be ‘Antigone’ with Shoaib Hashmi, I’ll never forget it.
Q- What do you think about the industry, where it is right now?
I think the industry is in a good place there’s a lot of good work going on. We’re still learning how to be more responsible and respect people’s interests. We need to be careful about the language we use because it ends up shaping a lot of things, even our belief systems.
Q- Who is your current favorite actor and actress?
Oh there so many I’m so excited for all of them! Before my generation I loved Khalida Riyasat Jee, Shehnaz Sheikh Jee, Asif Raza Mir Jee, I love Babra Sharif! I’m a huge fan of hers. Then there’s Sania Saeed, she’s magnificent. Samiya Mumtaz, Nauman Ijaz, Humayun Saeed, I love everybody from my generation.
So many young people are doing such amazing work, Wahaj Ali, Fawad Khan, Iqra Aziz, Sajjal Ali – they’re all amazing. I always say that there’s no great actor or actress there are only great performances and bad performances. All of us have given bad performances and all of us are capable of giving a good one.
Q- And when do we get to see Nadia Jamil on screen?
Soon! So I’m working in two Momina Duraid production serials and then I’ve wanted to do something for stage as well so I’m excited about that. And I also want to write a story for children with a writer.
Q- To wrap this up, I would want you to describe what the word ‘Mindful’ means to you?
I have a tattoo that reads ‘Nafs’ to remind me to be mindful, to remind me that when I talk to someone, I look them in the eye and honor them. When I eat something, to slow down and honor the bite that I’m enjoying in my mouth and the blessing that has been bestowed upon me. When the sun rises to honor the sunlight, when a bird sings to honor that bird singing when I’m in the presence of beautiful trees, to honor those trees. I think being Mindful means to honor Allah in every way possible and to keep yourself grounded in the present moment. To be mindful, for me, is the only way to live.
Photoshoot & wardrobe: Nickie Nina
Style director: Tabesh Khoja
Art Director: Yousaf Shahbaz
Location: Strata by Saira Ahsan
Photography: Khawar Riaz
Jewellery: Neemar Jewels
Hair & Makeup: Nabila
Coordination: Mindful Team
Video Interview: YouTube/mindfulpakistanofficial
